i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
