Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
