You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
