i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
