Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
