This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
