the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
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He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
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His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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