Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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