Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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