Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
