dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
