Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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