I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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