it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
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Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
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I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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