the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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