I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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