I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize