me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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