you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
