i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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