I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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