I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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