Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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