Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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