dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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