I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
