Sober January is a disaster.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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