As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i dont even know how to be here
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
