I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
