Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
