Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
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