I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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