I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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