I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
