Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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