if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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