Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
