Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
