I wish my penis had an off switch
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
