She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
