This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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