im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
