So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
