Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
