i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
