It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
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Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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