I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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