I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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