I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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