speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
