I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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