the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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