Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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