I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
