she woke up with a sticky ear
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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