she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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