Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
