I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish i was in the wii world.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
