Soap is not a condiment
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
