similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
