just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
