woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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