3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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