I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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