also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
