lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i love accidental penises.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
