he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
