Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Randomize
