My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
