I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
