My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
