whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
