So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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