i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Can I color on your dick again?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
FUCK WHALES
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
