On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
