I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
